"Truth: Yours, Mine, and the Truth"

Blog in Brief

Nowadays, it's quite common to hear people refer to "your truth" and "my truth." Often, individuals use these phrases to avoid genuine understanding in communication. This tendency can negatively affect relationships, leading to tension. In this post, we delve into the history behind this concept and offer suggestions on how to avoid its drawbacks, including the possibility of discarding the phrase entirely.

The Situation: How We Misuse "My Truth"

I just told you "my truth." You cannot reject "my truth." "You have your truth, and I have mine, so back up!" This phrase, along with many others similar to it, began to emerge prominently in popular culture during the 2010s. It arguably reached its apex in 2018 when a major television personality, known for her compelling storytelling and deep connection with audiences, used it as part of her narrative to articulate the complexities surrounding trauma and pain. Her intention was to convey her personal experiences as a survivor of some of the most severe forms of abuse and assault, emphasizing how these experiences shaped her perspective and emotional landscape. Her use of this phrase was not only compelling but also impactful, resonating with many who have faced similar challenges and felt the weight of their own truths. However, the subsequent appropriation and misuse of this phrase have led to significant harm and misunderstanding.

When Oprah Winfrey began to speak out about her experiences of surviving abuse, particularly in the context of racism, sexual assault, and various abuses of power, she aimed to create a platform that encouraged many individuals to share their own painful stories. Her objective was to highlight that such pain is not only valid but also carries profound meaning. It can lead to feelings of insecurity, a pervasive distrust in men—especially those who have been abusive—and the necessity to cultivate resilience in the face of trauma. Oprah's message was clear: although some may attempt to silence you, it is crucial to voice your experiences, as they are part of a broader historical narrative that cannot and should not be ignored. This was indeed a positive and empowering use of the term "my truth," as it served to uplift voices that had long been marginalized.

However, while Oprah and countless others are free to express themselves in whatever way they choose, I have observed a troubling trend in the misuse of the expression "my truth." This misuse has led me to urge individuals to reconsider its application in their discourse. Why is this? Because many people now seem to interpret "my truth" as a claim that if they believe something, then it must be true, regardless of whether it holds any factual basis. This interpretation fosters a dangerous mindset where individuals assert, "You believe what you want, and I will believe what I want," without regard for the objective reality that may exist outside their subjective experience. It is one thing when one's belief is rooted in historical fact, such as experiences of abuse or injustice. It becomes problematic, however, when individuals misinterpret statements or selectively interpret situations to fit their preconceived notions about others or circumstances. In this context, "my truth" can become a metaphorical prison: it establishes a rigid framework where one insists on their perspective without considering alternative viewpoints, effectively closing off any possibility for dialogue or understanding. This narrow interpretation can serve as a cultural justification for what is essentially "bearing false witness," a serious ethical violation that is highlighted in the ninth of the Ten Commandments.

The Theological Significance of Our Use of "My Truth"

To delve deeper into this concept, we turn to the Ten Commandments, a set of moral guidelines given by YHVH, or Yahweh, to Moses as a covenant that the people of Israel were to uphold in order to identify themselves as God's chosen people. The ninth commandment explicitly states, "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor" (Exodus 20:16). The original intent behind this commandment was to prohibit individuals from lying about others, particularly in the context of legal disputes. However, the broader application of this commandment extends to any form of slander, misrepresentation, or deceit regarding another person's actions or intentions. But why is this prohibition so critical? It can be traced back to the fundamental definition of sin that Jesus articulates in Matthew 22:36-40:

“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” ³⁷ He said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the greatest and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

At the heart of this teaching is the notion that all sin can be summarized as a violation of love—whether that be failing to love God appropriately, failing to love one's neighbor appropriately, or failing to love oneself appropriately. Thus, bearing false witness is a direct affront to the principle of loving one's neighbor. If we consider that God's overarching role in the cosmos is to promote peace, justice, love, and service, then failing to love our neighbor properly can have dire consequences. In biblical times, such actions could literally threaten a neighbor's freedom or life. In contemporary society, the repercussions may manifest as damaged relationships, tarnished reputations, or a loss of peace of mind for those affected. Therefore, what God was conveying through these commandments is that adherence to such ethical guidelines would lead to a world that is less filled with strife and more abundant in goodness and harmony. While it may seem that bearing false witness could provide immediate gratification or benefit to someone, this is ultimately a delusion. Such actions can lead to harm for both the person bearing false witness and the individuals they misrepresent, while also reflecting poorly on the divine nature of God as the state of the world deteriorates further.

Now that we have examined the inherent dangers in the current usage of "your truth" or "my truth," it is essential to reflect on its implications: sin creates a legacy of negative impact. Simply clinging to beliefs that are detrimental or untrue can yield harmful consequences. Consider how you may have held onto a misinterpretation of someone or how you may have unjustly grouped individuals from a community based on preconceived notions or stereotypes they do not deserve. How has this mindset negatively impacted your life or the lives of those around you?

A Few Steps Toward Improvement

The first step is to ask, "What was intended?" Additionally, be willing to focus more on intent of the person than your perception. Yes, people can lie about their intention. It is also true, however, that people can adjust their beliefs or actions when they see how something was received or witness its impact on a situation. We are all works in progress, so consider sharing responsibility for the negative as both a possible misinterpretation and mis-delivery of intention.

Second, feel free to express how you take things given your mindset and context, so the person can hopefully adjust her or his delivery in the future. The person who may have mis-delivered should not be stubborn and say, "Well, you just have a bad understanding." Rather, he or she should be open to the possibility that the delivery could have been improved. Moreover, he/she/they should be able to admit they have just be wrong and now can both see why and deliver it better moving forward.

Third, value future over past. So many times we become locked on the "in part." Paul tell us in 1 Corinthians 13:9-12 that we all know, see, and do in part, but when Christ returns, we will know, see, and do in full. This is part of the Kingdom of God, when all of life reflects God perfect will. Well, we are not there yet. The Kingdom of God, however, does have "now moments," in which parts of it break through and make things better in addition to those "not yet moments" that we await like death's no longer being a reality or the end of all suffering and pain. If we are willing to accept that when we misunderstand each other, this gives the Kingdom of God an opportunity for a "now" moment to transform our thoroughly in-part understanding to more of a thorough understanding.

Conclusion

All in all, we should strive to know what was intended, how to work toward a better delivery, and see how we can remain united and try to move forward. This is not easy, for true humility admits that all of us need to adjust to grow. It is, however, our duty to try to make things better, for in so doing, we move closer to the abundant life promised in John 10:10, which is less about wealth and prosperity and more about right relationships, meaningful existence, total health, true unity, and abundant joy and happiness. Think about it: how many times have you had a heart to heart with someone in which both you "gave a little," and you walked away feel better. If you are full of self-pity, chance are you were more annoyed that it took all of that versus relieved that you are past that hurdle. If you are full of humility and unconditional love, you likely wanted to cry or embrace the person out of relief that you are not as strained as before.

Let us take time this week to reflect on whether we are more interested in clinging to our own interpretation of something regardless of how it negatively impacts our situation. Or, are we truly more interested in God's will bringing understanding, true truth, and unity toward our situations, making them better and less painful and contentious. Maybe, the suffering we see has less to do with the weakness of God, and God's ability to bring about chance, and more the fact that God's people often do not follow the commandments that God has issued. Like it or not, God does not just control persons. Rather, God influences situations. It is up to us whether we will see the right influence and be backers of it rather than stand, hoping for some mystical feeling to change our hearts to get us to do better. True chance comes about when men and women seize the moment to be about it rather than hope that someone else will do something. True change is not dependent on feelings, for feelings are fickle and often wrong. True change, is about a principle of doing the right thing because it is right and owning when we negatively contributed to or benefitted from the wrong and, therefore, definitely have a role to heal what was hurt.